Friday, February 8, 2008

Patriots Fans: Still Mensa Material

Shoe's not so sweet when it's on the other foot, huh?

In an act of breathtaking idiocy which often seems to characterize this brain-cell-lacking fanbase, some enterprising and sadly, sadly misguided Patriots-fan potatohead wrote a petition to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asking for the last 1:40 of the Super Bowl to be reviewed. Because... wait for it, wait for it... they think the Giants cheated by stopping the clock after the play was over and they were out of timeouts! They might have gotten two extra seconds! Never mind that the play was stopped by the referees while there was a measurement, since it was Brandon Jacobs getting a first down on a 4th-and-1 situation! Never mind that the Patriots accusing anyone of cheating is like Genghis Khan accusing Joe Schmo Serial Killer of bumping off too many people!

Fortunately, a great deal of the signatures on the petition are people who are deservedly blasting this group of whiny, entitled cheaters who think that because their beloved St. Brady got knocked around and Eli Manning gave him a bitter taste of his own medicine, they are somehow still "deserving" to be 19-0. Look, you idiots. The Patriots had 35 seconds with the ball, and went 4-and-out with a few missed Hail Marys in 34 seconds. All right, so you want more time to have the ball? Then Eli can prolong your agony and kneel down three times instead of one at the end of the game. Oh, sure, let's replay the 1:40 and let Brady get absolutely leveled by Jay Alford a few more times, that'd be fun. What is really just very sad and illuminating of you people's twisted psyche is that you cannot accept you got flat outplayed by a defense that was in Brady's face, around his legs, or jumping on his back all night. You in short are being introduced to why even Eagles, Redskins, and Cowboys fans were pulling for the Giants -- to save us all from your holier-than-thou "oh-whine-whine we
clearly deserved this" bullshit.

I'm on the fence about the Pats team themselves, generally veering toward the dislike side, but their fans... yeah, I've mentioned before I can't stand the lot of them. Go back to 2005 and cry in your beer with Seahawks fans, but first, please wash the sand out of your vaginas, and since I am myself a woman, that is a grave insult. You are not "entitled" to be 19-0. You as a matter of fact have to admit that you met a team playing -- gasp! -- better football than you. It happens. I hope you lose twice to the Dolphins next year, then you'll really have something to cry about.

I still think it's hysterical that the Patriots fans are the ones complaining the Giants cheated (which they did not). Look, people, you should have lost to the Ravens before they bewilderingly let Rex Ryan, a defensive coordinator, call a timeout. The Ravens, as will be further elucidated in my Quarterback Quiz this evening, were by all accounts and measures a shitty football team this year. This is called karma, again, and thank God we were saved from you self-righteous douchenozzles being awarded the ability to preen, because we'd all have jumped into the sea by now and left you to take over the world. AAAAAAAH. No wonder I'm so jaded about humanity.

Now, I am willing to be charitable and admit that not all Patriots fans are this toxically idiotic. I will, however, bewail the State of the Pats/Sox/Bandwagon Nation at large.

I am ever more appreciative of the New York Giants' victory. Thank you, New York Giants.

1 comment:

Gillian said...

Boston fans are idiotic. We all knew that. Fans, in general, are not very representative of their team - hell, even I am willing to admit that the Red Sox themselves (Curt Schilling notwithstanding) are not horrible, but yeah, I can't stand their fans.

But I'm totally with you on this petition...I think it's an absolute waste of time and eventually someone is going to be really embarrassed about it.